You can imagine my intrigue when, scanning the crisp aisle at lunch, I came across what can only be described as a novel idea. Pie flavoured crisps! And of course, the chosen flavour had to be steak and ale pie – a classic by all means (but cleverly branded as “Steak and Al” to tie in with comedian Al Murray’s backing of the Walkers crisp promotion for Red Nose Day).

So let’s get to the crunch issue...what did the crisps taste like? Well, I have to be frank with you (that’s Frank Skinner Roast Dinner, by the way – another Red Nose Day Walkers option) and say that the pie flavoured crisps were a letdown. While not tasting horrible by any means, they certainly did not have me going “wow that really is pie in a crisp!” There was definitely an over-powering taste of the ale extract flavouring, which was rather ale-arming. It certainly wasn’t the crisp finish I was expecting when delving into a pack of Walkers (and it cost me a packet compared to cheaper non-brand alternatives too).

All in all, what really hit home is that if you want a pie-flavoured product for lunch...buy a pie! And in any case, surely you can find and eat pies morning, noon and night, so why go for any pie tasting imitations? It just doesn’t make sense!

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Heston from Waitrose Steak, Ale & Kombu Pie Review

You think you've sea-n it all when it comes to pies but this really ups the steaks, good old Heston Blumenthal (who in-sea-dentally attended a certain John Hampden Grammar School, known for developing pie experts) has gone for a new Kombu-nation with his Steak, Ale & Kombu Pie. For those like me who aren't experts on marine biology Kombu is a type of seaweed.


Sea-riously though, it is important for me to be imparti-ale when it comes to weeding out the good pies. I have to give everything a go so I get ready to dive in. The trouble I first encounter is that I have put the pie in the freezer and the box explicitly says not to cook from frozen. Every pie lover has encountered the problem where the cooking instructions ask for additional patience but once your mind is set on pie you can't settle for anything else. At this point I normally just throw the box away.

Putting the pie in for a little longer due its less than ambient temperature it came out of the oven looking tremendous. However it promptly decided to teach me a lesson by half melting and half exploding when I took it out of the wrapper. The condition meant it was hard to tell if the content had filled the capacity but the consistency, whether intended or not, meant it was not at all chewy. The colour wasn't what I was expecting, I'm not sure if I thought the seaweed would have turned it green or something but it was actually pretty similar to your standard pie colour.

This certainly was a gourmet pie. The ingredients were all premium, no bits of grissle or filling it up with gravy. But what made this pie a real winner was the careful balance of flavours. Make no mistake, the steak is king in this pie. The ale and seaweed have been used very carefully so as to not become overpowering. There was also the perfect amount of gravy and the pastry was melt-in-the-mouth perfect.

I am please to say I was a big fan of this pie. It could have sunk like Titanic for trying to dredge up new pie flavours but instead the tide brings it in on a wave of success. I hope this is not a drop in the ocean for Heston, this pie shows he is certainly not washed up yet. We here at pie rate look forward to some more original pie ideas.

Steak, Ale & Kombu (Heston from Waitrose)

5.73/7
SJL

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We've received many comments from our avid readership that Christmas has come and gone without even a mention of mince pies. This is a correct observation, but obviously this was not an oversight and was actually a deliberate omission - we were saving the mince pie review for February 20th, that famous international mince pie day.

The pack offers the standard 6 pies, with a wonderful festive picture on the front. But don't worry, mince pies can be eaten all year round and are not just for Christmas.

The photos on the front give the impression that the pastry is going to crispy and flaky. I was little disappointed at the pastry actually - it seemed like the same pastry used in standard apple pies.

Mince pies are one of those things that I'm not sure whether I actually like them or not. I like the idea of mince pies, especially when they've been in the oven. But I think I may experience a bit of relief when I finish a mince pie - although I have had some homemade mince pies in the past which I have genuinely liked very much. Perhaps that's what's missing with these pies. I think shop bought mince pies are always going to be a little bit disappointing. There's something so special about a homemade mince pie - about how the pastry crumbles away into the miscellaneous tasty contents - and a mince pie that's just like your standard shop bought apple pie doesn't really do it for me. Still, can't complain, I think I enjoyed this pie.

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Let's have a closer look. Firstly, at a bargain basement price of 49p, these items are an absolute steal regardless of whether they are a pie or not. Secondly, I quite like rhubarb and custard so I hope that if these do indeed turn out not to be pies then the disappointment won't be too much to recover from.


A cross-sectional view clearly shows the sweet contents. If the icing on top wasn't enough of a give-away that these are sweet (not savoury) pies, the sugary character of the contents is absolute proof.



So why are these pies? Well, they have contents which are fully encased by pastry. The lid even sports a lattice structure, which is a conformation that's already fully accepted by the pie community. It even says pie on the box, so they're clearly intended to be pies.

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Ok, so not everyone’s got a degree in Geography, but I’m sure you’ve heard of this kind of scenario before:

McDonalds become a global brand, bringing the BigMac and fries to various countries worldwide... but they also target the local consumer in each specific country with food that suits local tastes. Take the Chicken Maharaja-Mac, available to suit the taste buds of their Indian consumers. That’s called “glocalisation” – the global combines with the local.

Ok, lecture over!

Well imagine my surprise when, hitting the McDonalds Liedsestraat, Amsterdam, those clever people in Holland had decided to reach out to the pie loving community by selling a proper Apple Pie in McDonalds! Not one of those Apple slices that they fob off to unaware British consumers! For the Dutch McDonalds Apple Pie is indeed an Apple Pie! Not an Apple Slice, but an Apple Pie!

So after the shock of seeing a real apple pie being sold in McDonalds...what’s it like?!
Well, firstly, you’ve gotta love the plastic casing you get your pie in. Sure, it’s only a piece of pie, but presentation is key. Secondly, while the pastry is quite soft and crumbly, it really does fill the hole. It’s full of flavour and you know you’re getting real fruit inside you. While it would be well complemented with some sort of custard or milk/cream/ice cream, the pie did taste good. You just have to eat it quick, before it crumbles completely! And at just 2 Euros when bought in combo with hot chocolate, it’s reasonably priced too. While it may not be the best pie in the world, it certainly is worth buying – especially when you’re out and about in Holland. You just have to wonder why they don’t sell proper pies in McDonalds UK (the pie capital of the world!)

So maybe at pierate.co.uk we were a little hasty in our review of McDonalds pies... for what McDonalds UK lacks, the Dutch certainly make up for in Apple Pies. In fact, I’d say “Ik ben lovin het!” (...or something like that!)

Score: 4/7

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The health-giving benefits of pies have long since been known, not least by the National Health Service. It is particularly pleasing to note this Beef and Onion pie, spotted in the patient canteen at Northwick Park Hospital, Harrow, London. Who needs an orthopaedic surgeon when you can indulge in some orthopiedics right here right now?

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They say a good friend knows what you’re thinking before you even ask. You’re on the same wavelength. Singing from the same hymn sheet, as it were. And that certainly proved true upon my recent visit (I would say invitation, but that hints at some sort of proactive request by my friends, rather than me just deciding to pay them a visit!) to Adam and Faye’s house. For there set before me, without even having to delve into my pie-obsessed web blog and how I eat pies for England, Scotland and Wales (and Northern Ireland, for that matter), was a delightful homemade Chicken, carrot and leak Pie, served with mash potatoes, a few cheeky roast potatoes, sweetcorn and a random Yorkshire pudding (“we have it with everything” – Faye). Bonus!

So with a great big smile on my face and a few hungry children on either side of me to help them eat theirs (yes, I did just about resist the temptation to eat their pies as well as my own!), I set about eating the lovely homemade pie produced for me. I have to let you know at this point that I was warned by 6-year old Isaac that eating the leaks could be dangerous and “turn me into a leak monster” – however I was willing to risk it just this once, as who can turn a good pie down!

I have to say it was a delicious homemade pie and one that I would thoroughly recommend to any who know the family. The pastry was crisp and light, complementing the nice meaty chunks of chicken and soft carrots and leak (N.B. I haven’t turned into a leak monster – yet) – making the content superb. The meat was perfectly cooked to avoid any chewiness and by visiting a friend’s house they very kindly gave me a meal for free (thank you – I’ll pay you back with babysitting Is, Lo and Evie!) The content was very good, spilling out of the crust as can be seen in the photo. And I even ended up having to help the kids finish theirs too (it’s called taking it for the team!).

All in all, a visit to Faye’s homemade pie producing factory – otherwise known as her kitchen – is recommended for one and all! And good to see the kids getting at least 2 of their 5 fruit & veg a day – and one of their Yorkshire puddings a day too!

Score: 5.5/7

*Of course there are other reasons for making friends other than making homemade pies for you... however as I don’t have any other friends then that just happens to be the trend for me... :P

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Update 2015 - Sadly the Newman Arms is under new management after having been in the same family for 20 years. They are no longer specialising in pies, the current menu doesn't seem to feature them at all, they are instead focusing on promoting food from the county of Cornwall. Obviously this is a shame given the fact that the pies were so popular.

The Newman Arms - London Pie Review

One problem I have as a professional pie eater is that there is a limit to how much I can partake in my craft at any one time. Unfortunately there are only three meals in a day and once I've had my seven between meal pie snacks I find I just don't have room for more pies. Which is a shame because as you might have gathered if you have ever looked at this blog before my colleagues and I REALLY like pies. Imagine a professional artist, if he wishes he can paint and paint and paint and never stop, there are no barriers between himself and his passion. Some would say this is a completely unfair situation. But never fear, this imbalance in life has been address by the pub The Newman Arms in Fitzrovia, London. They have a whole PIE ROOM upstairs meaning there is always room for more pies.

The pub is a hugely quaint old establishment with a narrow alley running alongside. It was built in 1730 and has been frequented by the likes of George Orwell and Dylan Thomas. The pie room is upstairs and despite my earlier comments there is infact very little room at all. There are only about 5 tables and if you haven't booked you don't stand much chance of getting a table. Much about the room is typical of an old pub but the menu is truly special. Every meal involves pastry (there are suet puddings available but we'll let them off for being a close relative of pies). There are some interesting pies available including a roasted vegetable option and the one I went for Chicken and Broccoli in a pepper sauce.


Of course the most important thing is are the pies any good??? For just under ten British pounds you get a very hearty meal. The pie is a decent size and you get potatoes and three portions of veg included so for London this scores highly on the cheapness front. It is much more fulfilling that The Fitzrovia around the corner. The puff pastry is light, flaky and inflated into a massive dome on top of the pie, it takes a while to cut through it to find the filling. It is almost as if the pastry has swelled under its own pride at being part of such a delicious pie. The pastry has some of the most lovely golden shades of colour I have ever seen on a pie. If the pie room had been around in Dylan Thomas' day I'm sure he would have waxed lyrical about how it reminded him of a Welsh sunrise.... or something or other.

The content was top notch, I wouldn't have thought pepper sauce instead of traditional gravy would work but it really did. The capacity was bigger than your average pub pie and it was presumably filled with some of the finest bits of chicken as it was not at all chewy. The only downside, if you're being a purest, is that these were "top-crust" pies and lack pastry around the sides. It is surprising to see such an establishment not sticking to the strictest definition of what makes a pie a pie. However with the excitement of being in a pie room I barely noticed and this by no means reduced my enjoyment. So in summary this is unique, there are just not enough dedicated pie restaurants and it is no surprise to see it score highly. If you're ever visiting London you might be busy but please make some pie room in your schedule for a visit to The Newman Arms.

Newman Arms Chicken and Broccoli in a pepper sauce Pie
Score: 6.0/7
SJL

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After a hard morning at work, what better way to unwind than with a cheeky lunchtime pie?! For as it says on the menu – “Pie not?” Heading into the local Scream pub, the “Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies!” slogan on the bar gave me a welcome boost on my lunch break from work (yes, sadly even the top Pierateers have to work hard for their dollar dollar to fund their enormous pie consumption). And there was certainly no lack of pies on the pub menu – 4 to be precise including an intriguing Chicken and Limerick Ham Pie which I went for. (There was also a Butternut Squash Pie on the menu which wouldn’t really float my boat but certainly provides a random alternative for the veggie pie lovers out there!) And with curly fries on the side, I certainly wasn’t gonna hold back!

So to the pie! The pie came served with a layer of beef gravy on top of the pie and the accompanying curly fries and peas...which I have to say has become a staple of recent Chicken Pie purchases for me. While it certainly re-raised the debate of ‘does beef gravy really go best with a white wine pie sauce?’ personally it didn’t ruin the pie for me. I do think if there’s a nice white wine sauce in the pie then it doesn’t need the dinner to be caked in beef gravy too (and the lads who know me well will know that I love a little bit of dinner with my gravy!) Anyhow... the pie was made with short crust pastry and the lid of the pie was particularly crisp and tasty, even if the base was slightly less tasty and probably on the ‘too thick’ side. But certainly the content was very good – particularly the chicken pieces but the ham was good too (even if you did need a microscope to see the pieces of ham!). Not sure what the ‘Limerick’ part of the ham was all about though! And the leek in there was a little OTT for my liking but complemented the meal in proportion. One thing’s for certain – you wouldn’t be screaming like a baby after downing a pie from your local Scream Pub! Here’s hoping the pies continue to be a staple of their menu, so we’ve got something to continue screaming about here at Pierate!

So in summary – while the “Scream Burger” has become a bit of an institution of the Scream chain of pubs, here’s hoping that the “Scream Pies” become a bit of a fans favourite as well!

Score: 4.2/7

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The end of the year brings time for reflection. It seems that 2010 was a good year for pies, it is well documented that pie sales have been increasing and we here at pierate.co.uk have eaten a fair few ourselves. But that isn't going to stop me making a new year's resolution to eat more pies. Some might question whether this is sheer lunacy, I must have eaten hundreds this year will there be a risk of a pie overdose? I would say to those people not to worry, this is perfectly safe, I am a trained professional in pie eating. I will have a healthcare expert on standby and I have been preparing myself mentally for the challenge. There is a plate of salad in the fridge in case of emergency but I doubt I will be needing it.

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Belgium Apple Pie Review

A recent trip on the Eurostar left me pining for pies in Belgium, so I’m sure you will join me in being delighted to find that Apple Pie with or without ice cream is available in Brugges for pie lovers on the continent. While there was a lack of savoury pies in the establishments visited in Belgium, the Apple Pie was a great addition to the puddings menu. You could find the Apple Pie just a stone’s throw away from Brugges Train Station in the Brasserie Tuf Tuf, which is also cleverly located near the winter attraction of the Snow and Ice Sculpture Festival just to bring in even more pie-loving punters!

So what does the “Warme Appeltaart met Ijs” taste like - I hear you cry! Well the pastry isn’t firm all the way round the pie, just on the bottom and side of the pudding, which is a first concern when you see that the French menu mentions “tart” rather than “pie” straight out. What’s good to see is that it is classified as a “pie” on the English translation, and although there is a lattice design on top it is still reasonably solid between the nice saucy apple filling. The layer of sugar on top cheekily hides the lattice pastry topping, but it is definitely not your normal solid pastry pie lid. However it does do the same job at the end of the day, and keeps the filling inside the pie well enough. Mixed with the lovely ice cream, the pie does however go down a real treat.



While there may be some debate over the tart/pie consistency of the pudding, I certainly enjoyed it as the Apple Pie it clearly states on the menu. It may not be as crisp a pastry coating as we would expect in Britain, but still well worth going for a visit next time you pop over to Brugges!

Brasserie Tuf Tuf "Warme Appeltaart" (Apple Pie)
Score: 4.3/7
RAS

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We love a good Battle of the Pies here at The Pierate Ship, so I have pitched two heavyweight contenders against each other in the December 2010 Homemade Pie Challenge.

First up is the homemade Steak and Ale pie, made by housemate A.










This really is a stormingly good pie. The meat is succulent with absolutely no chewiness - pure melt in the mouth texture. The gravy is light and the vegetables within are fluffy and flavoursome. A really top pie.


Next up is the homemade Apple Pie, made by housemate B.













It's packed to the rafters with juicy chunks of apple, and the golden pastry is flaking off beautifully. It is an absolute appley delight.

The Battle really has reached fever pitch here, with two such strong contenders in opposite corners. Which will win, the sweet or savoury?

I can't decide. It's not fair to make a man choose between his pies. I think a rematch may be necessary?

Many thanks to both Housemates A and B for cooking such delightful pies, without even being asked!

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