Friday 7 March 2014

How not to make a PYTHON pie

If you don’t fancy a slither of python pie, then look away now. For the rest of you, get ready to wrap your jaws around some delicious, simple-to-make haute cuisine.

Here at Pierate, we’re always on the lookout for a new pie flavour, and are always willing to test the boundaries of what you can and can’t put in a pie. To that end, I had been wondering whether python might make for a delicious ingredient in a pie. You always see pythons on the news eating delicious things like crocodiles, antelope and rats, so surely python meat would offer the combined taste of all of these yummy delights? To my surprise, I couldn’t find a python pie on sale anywhere, so I employed my own culinary skills (zero) and whipped up my own ‘piethon’.

So if you really want to know how not to cook a python pie, here’s how to do it.

First of all, you obviously need your python meat. So simply go get your hands on some of that.
Python meat
Once you’ve procured your python meat, defrost it and chop it up.
Python meat
Note that some parts may be a bit sinewy, but persistence pays off. Relish the unique scent of the raw python meat.
Python meat
Then maybe fry it. In retrospect, cooking it quickly was probably a bad idea. Maybe it needed some slow-cooking.
Cooked python meat
Congratulations, you’re nearly done! That python pie will be sliding down you before you can say “that’s pretty rank”.
Next, be really lazy and line your pie dish with pre-made pastry (from a manufacturer that may or may not have something to do with British Pie Week). Make sure that pie dish is fully lined with pastry. Python pie fans do not appreciate just a pastry lid - this isn’t a python casserole, remember!
You’re so close to totally knocking the socks off everyone with your new python pie. If your guests haven’t already started knocking on the door yet, now would be a good time to notify them of your soon-to-be-displayed cooking prowess.

Next, make a white sauce, and fold in some broccoli and peas. Then add your python to the white sauce, and pour in to the lined pie dish.
Add the lid. I have used puff pastry here.
Put in a pre-heated oven for about 20 minutes. Then take out of the oven and admire (Pierate pastry logo optional).
Wow! If there’s one thing better than your kitchen being filled with the wonderful aroma of pie, it’s the wonderful aroma of python pie! You’ll no doubt be salivating like Pavlov’s dog at the moment, so get digging in to the pie right away.
Python pie
Get a good lump of python on that fork, and enjoy!

Okay, so the python pie wasn’t my biggest success in the kitchen. I found the python to be chewy and revolting, so much so that I gagged at the first mouthful. But at least I completed my #PiePledge for British Pie Week, to cook (and partially eat) a python pie! Challenge accomplished!



  1. Where would I get python meat?

    1. Hi, there are a couple of online stores selling exotic meats such as python. You can also buy it in person from a stall at Borough Market in London.


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